NORFOLK, VA—In what has been dubbed the most “devastating and brutal siege in the history of animal-rights activism,” an elite, paramilitary squad of commandos from People For The Ethical Treatment Of Animals (PETA) attacked and killed 49 employees at Couture Cosmetics’ Norfolk, VA, research facility while saving a rabbit during a daring midnight raid Monday.
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Daily Archives: July 4, 2008
Heroic PETA Commandos Kill 49, Save Rabbit
July 4, 2008 – 11:07 pm
Those Motherfucking Robins Are On Thin Ice With Me
July 4, 2008 – 11:07 pm
Ever since my retirement last month from the sock factory, I’ve had a lot of extra time to spend around the yard. But the hours of pleasurable pruning I had planned to enjoy with my new cordless rechargeable Master Clipper have been cruelly withheld from me. Instead, my afternoons have been spent in an unending [...]
Climatologists Secure Funding To Breed Glaciers In Captivity
July 4, 2008 – 9:07 pm
FAIRBANKS, AK—Researchers from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration received a $42 million federal grant for a…
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Senate Subcommittee On Energy And Water Development More Like A Family
July 4, 2008 – 9:07 pm
WASHINGTON, DC— Sen. Pete Domenici (R-NM), ranking Republican on the Senate Subcommittee on Energy and Water Development, revealed Monday that the group is “less a Senate subcommittee than a big family. “[Senator] Harry [Reid (D-NV)] isn’t just chairman of our subcommittee. He’s more like a dad to us,” Domenici said. “We can talk to him [...]
[audio] Endangered Manatee Struggles To Make Self Understood To Congress
July 4, 2008 – 9:07 pm
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
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Tomato Genetically Modified To Be More Expensive
July 4, 2008 – 9:07 pm
PASADENA, CA—Geneticists at the California Institute of Technology announced Monday that they have developed a tomato with a 31 percent larger…
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An Open Letter To Those Of You Who Blew Off My Arbor Day Party
July 4, 2008 – 8:07 pm
I’ll admit, Arbor Day isn’t as big a holiday as Thanksgiving or Independence Day. But to my mind, it’s every bit as special. It signifies the symbiotic relationship we have with the land in a way that no other holiday does, not even Easter. It is The Little Holiday That Could and, as such, it [...]
Deciding Vote On Wetlands Preservation Bill Rests With The Littlest Senator
July 4, 2008 – 8:07 pm
WASHINGTON, DC—Congress narrowly passed the McCann-Hawkins Florida Wetlands Preservation Bill Tuesday, with the deciding vote coming from an unlikely source: Sen. Dwight Q. Peabody (D-RI), the Littlest Senator.
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Vatican Tightens Nocturnal Emissions Standards
July 4, 2008 – 8:07 pm
VATICAN CITY—The Vatican has released a strict new set of Church laws intended to reduce the nocturnal emissions of teenage polluters by 50 percent in the next decade, Cardinal Antoni Bertoli announced Monday.
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John Reese Traffic Secrets 2.0 Review
July 4, 2008 – 3:07 pm
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John reveals an Incredibly Powerful [...]
Web Form Design Patterns: Sign-Up Forms
July 4, 2008 – 1:07 pm
If you want to maximize the revenue of your service you need to maximize completion rates of your web forms. Unless you have some revolutionary ideas to impress your visitors at first glance, it is not enough to simply enable users to sign up on your site. To make it possible for the service to [...]
Hostages describe sadistic treatment
July 4, 2008 – 1:07 pm
Harrowing details of captivity of Ingrid Betancourt emerge as claims of ransom surface
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Biofuel ’caused food crisis’
July 4, 2008 – 1:07 pm
Biofuels have forced global food prices up by 75% according to leaked World Bank figures
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Internet Marketing Strategy Blogging 02
July 4, 2008 – 12:07 pm
Here is Part 2 of my Introductory Course On Blogging
Hosting Your Own Blog
As part of your Internet Marketing Strategy you will want to set up your own Blog. Blogs are the central core of all you Online Marketing. When you get ready to start blogging you’ll need to decide whether use a hosted blog like [...]
The people’s curmudgeon
July 4, 2008 – 11:07 am
Rightwing Senator who opposed civil rights, gun laws, hippies, foreign aid, the UN and anything that smacked of liberalism, dies aged 86
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Florida Buffetted ahead of hurricanes
July 4, 2008 – 11:07 am
Warren Buffett’s fund pockets $224m by betting against hurricanes hitting Florida in coming months
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Bush to attend Olympic ceremony
July 4, 2008 – 10:07 am
China’s Olympic organisers received boost as president accepts invitation to opening ceremony
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Ransom claim over freed hostage
July 4, 2008 – 10:07 am
Freed Farc hostage welcomed home by French president amid claims a ransom was paid
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Film shows Zimbabwe vote-rigging
July 4, 2008 – 10:07 am
First footage of Mugabe supporters rigging polls smuggled out of country by prison officer
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Venus slams ‘offensive’ final fix talk
July 4, 2008 – 9:07 am
Sports: Champion is infuriated by Dementieva claim that meeting with sister may be fixed
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Cardinals silence the doubters
July 4, 2008 – 8:07 am
Sports: David Lengel: St Louis confound critics with amazing run inspired by coach Tony LaRussa
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Freed hostage flies back to France
July 4, 2008 – 7:07 am
Farc hostage freed by Colombian military will be feted in Paris by French president, Nicolas Sarkozy
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Iraq’s oil deals: biggest stick-up ever
July 4, 2008 – 7:07 am
Comment is free America: Naomi Klein: The country’s invaders should be paying billions in reparations not using the war as a reason to pillage its richest resource
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‘A big bowl of get my ass out of here’
July 4, 2008 – 7:07 am
Arts & entertainment: Curb Your Enthusiasm star Jeff Garlin tells John Patterson about Wall-E and his comic career
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Britain’s top spy seriously ill
July 4, 2008 – 6:07 am
UK’s top spy Alex Allan’s collapse being treated as ‘non-suspicious’ by Scotland Yard
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