TACOMA, WAmdash;Michael Renfro, a 68-year-old retired CPA with an apple hovering in front of his face, announced Monday that he has filed a $15…img src=”http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~4/467429776″ height=”1″ width=”1″/
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What are you thankful for this year?img src=”http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~4/467429779″ height=”1″ width=”1″/
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WASHINGTONmdash;The Federal Aviation Administration stated Wednesday that, according to all available evidence, airplanes are just as afraid of…img src=”http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~4/467272252″ height=”1″ width=”1″/
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Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redlandimg src=”http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~4/467010443″ height=”1″ width=”1″/
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LAREDO, TXmdash;After using an Internet search engine in an attempt to find information on a former classmate, local resident Matthew Orman, 25,…img src=”http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~4/466183673″ height=”1″ width=”1″/
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Alan Colmes, the longtime liberal cohost of the Fox News program iHannity #amp; Colmes/i, will leave at the end of the year. What do iyou/i…img src=”http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~4/466129072″ height=”1″ width=”1″/
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For our 10th anniversary, I wanted to pull off a grand romantic gesture that would remind my wife that she’s more than my friendmdash;she’s the…img src=”http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~4/466326493″ height=”1″ width=”1″/
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bDear Guy Who Knows A Little Bit About Dealing With These Lawyer Types,/bChristmas is coming up, and once again, I’m at a total…img src=”http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~4/466155189″ height=”1″ width=”1″/
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Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redlandimg src=”http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~4/465860406″ height=”1″ width=”1″/
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DETROITmdash;The General Motors Corporation announced Monday that it has covered its main production plant with a 500,000-square-foot blue tarp…img src=”http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~4/465153226″ height=”1″ width=”1″/
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PENSACOLA, FLmdash;With would-be pilots lining up by the thousands and crowds predicted to grow larger everyday, the excitement and death toll are both expected to rise.img src=”http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~4/465598584″ height=”1″ width=”1″/
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A security guard shot and killed a man who approached the Scientology Celebrity Centre in Hollywood waving two samurai swords. What do iyou/i…img src=”http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~4/464984521″ height=”1″ width=”1″/
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Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redlandimg src=”http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~4/464724842″ height=”1″ width=”1″/
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The number of new applicants for unemployment benefits jumped to 542,000, the highest since 1992. What do iyou/i think?img src=”http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~4/463834720″ height=”1″ width=”1″/
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NEW YORKmdash;Although Jordan McCabe intends to stay at home, he will inevitably grow antsy, drive to a nearby pub and bump into at least five insufferable pricks.img src=”http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~4/463928697″ height=”1″ width=”1″/
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FALLS CHURCH, VAmdash;Real estate agent Linda Vandermood was moved to the depths of her being Tuesday by the lyrics of James Blunt’s adult…img src=”http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~4/463989477″ height=”1″ width=”1″/
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The pardon assures that Libby will not face any more repercussions for his role in the Valerie Plame scandal or be eaten on Thanksgiving.img src=”http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~4/464392400″ height=”1″ width=”1″/
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Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redlandimg src=”http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~4/463563325″ height=”1″ width=”1″/
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RENO, NVmdash;”Maybe it’s the way she wrote ‘limp dick’ on my work shirts, or that she cries every time I eat veal, but that fucking lunatic is the one,” said Craig Shearerimg src=”http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~4/461871723″ height=”1″ width=”1″/
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Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redlandimg src=”http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~4/461561472″ height=”1″ width=”1″/
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PHILADELPHIAmdash;Taken three times daily with a quart of gin, Advil Release can alleviate the worst symptoms of life’s deadening futility and cold, blank emptiness.img src=”http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~4/460811229″ height=”1″ width=”1″/
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BOISE, IDmdash;Though he claims it to be worth at least twice as much, flea market vendor Roger Jenkins is willing to let an unidentifiable,…img src=”http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~4/460869031″ height=”1″ width=”1″/
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The Consumer Price Index fell a record 1 percent in October, the steepest one month decline in its history. What do iyou/i think?img src=”http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~4/461013133″ height=”1″ width=”1″/
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Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redlandimg src=”http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~4/460432861″ height=”1″ width=”1″/
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